Am I on a motor or a battery?


Sometimes I feel as though I have a plug i can not see
The plug, connected to a mains supply unbeknown to me
Sometimes as soon as I’m awake
The power surges to my viens and i move through the day
Cant turn off the power when I want to becuase I havent got a switch
My body aches, my legs are tired, I just want to sit down
but the motor is still running and I have to carry on
Where’s the off switch ?

Sometimes when I wake its like somoene forgot
to charge the socket or didnt plug me in
I can tget started even though i know I should
My legs dont work, my brain is foggy
the sky us grey and Im feeling groggy
Where did they put the On switch?

Play some music, turn on the TV
The sounds of my brain are deafening me
Flashes, through my mind so fast
like the winner of the race
They want to race on puprose
they love the rush they feel
I just want to focus on one thing at a time


Do I have ADHD or am I just a “Clown Fish”?

According to the Myers-Briggs personality test, only 6% of the population are ENFP’s (Clown Fish). Employers can; although mainly used for internal recruitment; use these tests for suitability of a certain role within the company.

Having recently been diagnosed with adult ADHD, and recently completing the test, I beg to wonder, whether  this 6% have ADHD and whether they know it or not, when they take the test.   Or, could it be that a small minority of people DO NOT have ADHD but are just naturally like this?       Baring in mind that ADHD (or sorts) is scientifically researched as “a defective brain” and present in children.  What do you think?


According to M-B, Clown Fish (ENFP’s) are:

Enthusiastic, imaginative problem solvers who are always happy to improvise and are great at getting things done last minute.

Naturally creative, they strive to be different and own their style. They are often risk- takers who prefer original thinking rather than playing by the rules – this is when their persuasiveness comes in handy.

As children

Clownfish children enjoy variety and action, often getting bored easily and moving onto something new. They love taking risks and usually leave things until last minute. Imaginative and creative with a great sense of humour, at school they are often popular but can be a threat to some teachers and adults who don’t appreciate their original thinking!

As young people

They’re searching for their individual identity, drawn to express themselves through drama, words or art. They don’t like being told what to do – they’d rather work things out for themselves.

As a boyfriend/girlfriend

They’re usually fun to be with. They’re romantic and also like their partners to be romantic. Because they’re easily bored and distracted, novelty and surprise are welcomed.

As a boss

Visionary Clownfish value harmony and tend to nurture their staff. Sometimes their desire to create a meaningful impact in the world whilst working in organisations with strict targets or objectives can cause personal stress.


Im a Clown Fish.
I have adult ADHD
Im an Aries too.

“is it a thing…”?

since being diagnosed with ADHD last year but officialy (after assessments) in January this year. Ive come across familiar conversations on forums..

Is it a thing when i do this?
Is it a thing that i do that?

Do you do this, Do you do that. There is also the big one.  People say “adhd isn’t real” Friends say “i do that all the time”, “sounds normal to me”. “sounds like me “maybe I have adhd, maybe everyone’s has adhd”.   “Maybe adhd doesnt exists, its just pharmaceuticals pushing medication”.

Being 47, having “depression” for 20+ years, having gone through grief of a Parent AND being “menopausal”; 2 years in. I often wonder this myself.  The symptoms and characteristics are very often the same.    Depression, Anxiety, forgetfulness, lethargic, irregular sleep patterns, irritability, moods swings, no filters.  etc.

So, often when i chat on an ADHD forum, I feel better. Then, Ill see the same conversation on a menopause forum and think “Am I ADHD, or just menopausal”.  “Do I have depression, or is the depression part of my ADHD, or, My Menopause?

I guess the difference is supposed to be, how often and how long we have had the symptoms or, characteristics.  ADHD is supposed to be existent in children, from birth, a defect. Menopause is a “change of hormone balances when we reach a certain age (although this age things seems to be getting younger).

So, i guess what it must come down to is “HORMONES” basically.

I just find it very confusing when all these “conditions” including dyslexia, asberges, autism. ALL have very similar symptoms and characteristics in common.   So how do medical experts differentiate between them all and why is ADHD or Depression considered a “mental Health issue” but Menopause isn’t and why is Menopause so easily dismissed as “nothing”. It doesn’t get much “air time” and it can’t be used as a reason to “get help” or “be on long-term sick” etc.

I went through a phase of heavy Grieving, undiagnosed ADHD, DIAGNOSED depression, menopause (but didn’t know it) and at that time, I couldn’t cope well with myself, my teenager and my 9-year-old. So I (basically, although not on a whim and very much discussed) sent my 9 year old to live with his father for a while……………We then fell out and he too me to court. Claimed mental health and he now has my Son full-time.

Mental Health apparently is the reason and “not being able to prioritize my child at a time of crisis”.    No medical evidence to suggest I can’t be a full-time parent anymore.  No police record, no drink, no drugs, no men, nothing.

How is this right ?